Happy Friday! WOOHOO! I love weekends now. Unfortunately, my weekends off have come to an end. I’m back to work, which means I’m back at it on Sundays, too. This month I only have to work 12 weekend hours (I’m doing 16 for some reason? Because I’m dumb and don’t take advantage when I should), but in July, it’s back to 24 weekend hours. I know I have a ton of flexibility in my schedule and I am so grateful for such a well paying job that I can basically make fit my own schedule, but it still sucks having to work weekends with a baby at home. Then again, Jon probably feels like that all week when he goes to work and I get to stay home with Jackson.
I have been dying to travel lately. Honestly, if I could go back in time and not have a baby, I probably would. I miss traveling and my freedom more than I thought I would. I thought I’d have a baby and maybe I’d magically be content with being at home, but I’m not. I don’t think a day passes where I don’t wish I could go back to Europe or finally go to Iceland or Machu Picchu or Thailand. I know I set myself up for a successful career and aside from our mortgage and a fairly small car loan, we don’t have any debt, but I wish I had lived a little bit more carefree. I wish I had lived in another country or had been an au pair somewhere exciting. But the Army stopped me and then nursing school stopped me and then I didn’t want to give up my job because I didn’t think I’d get into an ER if I didn’t take that opportunity when it presented itself.
But now that I’ve met my fantastic little guy, I wouldn’t want to give him back . But if I could turn back time, life would probably look a lot different right now. Then again, this face is pretty precious and I definitely love this kid more than I thought I could, and I know that love will only grow! And he squeals now and it is seriously one of the cutest things I’ve heard. He squealed the whole way home from daycare yesterday and I just laughed with him. He’s kind of the best thing ever (after vacation. Kidding. Kind of.).
I worked again yesterday afternoon. Just four hours. Our ER is under renovations so we have all these new positions that we didn’t have before. They put me in one that I didn’t want to work in, but a girl was nice enough to trade with me. But it’s surprising how uncomfortable I am at work now. I had been working in pediatrics before I had Jackson, so I didn’t have to start many IVs, and then I was gone for 3 months. I was really good at IVs before. Like, it was rare that I couldn’t start an IV on somebody and if I couldn’t, we would either have to do an ultrasound guided IV or have somebody put it in their neck. I have no skills now. I seriously feel like I’m starting over learning how to find veins. I feel like such an idiot. I only put one in yesterday but I even felt nervous to do it. Of course, the person was a nurse practitioner and also didn’t have the best veins (although, they would have been no problem for the old me). And since it has been so long since I’ve done a lot of stuff at work (we don’t admit kids in our hospital and we don’t have to use a lot of the programs regularly), I feel like I need a whole orientation again. I hate it. Although I don’t want to work more, I know that working so few hours will only make this worse, because I’m not giving myself enough time to really get back in the groove and I just feel out of place every day at work now. I’m torn between wanting to work and be my old self and at least make some extra money, and just wanting to take life easy and work just enough to pay for daycare.
I feel like I spent my whole day in traffic today. Atlanta traffic sucks. Especially on Fridays. I swear it’s heavy all day long on Friday and rush hour literally starts around 2pm. And there was a car fire today, so it was even worse. I always have to plan my day around picking Jackson up from daycare before traffic gets too bad. I wish I lived in a smaller town sometimes, but then again, living in a big city has its perks (like direct flights).
I told myself that I’ll go back to the gym on Monday! So, I really need to make myself do that. My back pain isn’t any better yet, but I’m seeing the chiropractor and my insurance covers massages through the chiropractor, so I have one scheduled on Monday! My back has a burning pain on the right side now (lower back), along with the pain I get from lifting in my low back, and my upper back is so jacked up from bad posture during pumping/feeding Jackson. I had no dang idea that pregnancy could jack a body up this bad afterwards. I guess that’s what happens when you gain 1/2 your bodyweight in 40 weeks. But, I also am eating horribly and I’m being way too inactive, so I’ll just lift light and suck it up. Besides, it’ll be good for me to get back to the gym. The longer I go without working out, the harder it is to get back into it. And I need to work on these abs. It’s sad how much core strength I’ve lost (which is understandable! I know it’ll come back!).
I did tell myself that I’d cook more, so today I got stuff to make crockpot chicken enchilada things. Not sure why they’re called enchiladas because it’s really kind of like a chicken chili type thing, but whatever. And that’s the laziest I could be about cooking because I literally threw like, seven ingredients in the crock pot and then I got a donut on my way home from Whole Foods, but it’s a start, right? I’m going to put this concoction over lettuce and throw some Wholly Guacamole on it and it’ll be a healthy dinner. I also pinned a few new recipes and really, I’m kind of excited to cook a little bit more. I actually sort of miss it, but Jackson is awake from 5ish-8:15 so it’s hard to prepare dinner sometimes. Once I pick him up from daycare at 3-3:30, I usually need to pump once I get him down for a nap and then it’s almost 5 anyway.
You know what I miss? Leaving the house in 10 minutes. To get to work at 11 the other day, I set my alarm for 6am. No shit. That’s FIVE hours to get us together and coordinate my pumping and Jackson’s morning nap.
Alrighty… Well, I’m off. I should probably be productive instead of sitting on my computer.