Okay, so here’s my mom-bod post. I don’t think my frustrations with my body right now are necessarily with how I look at the moment. My frustration lies within the fact that I have no idea what my body is going to look like 6 months from now and that it is hard to clothe my body right now. I understand that I delivered a baby. I was 98lbs at the beginning of my pregnancy and I gained 42lbs. Of course my body is different! My abs stretched out over an entire baby. I gained weight elsewhere. These boobs make 55-58oz of milk every day to feed my baby. And my left boob, which is my overproducer, looks like an overproducer. It’s definitely bigger than my right. So not only are my boobs huge, but one is even more huge than the other. Regardless of my uneven boobs, my body did and is doing exactly what it should be doing.
But I don’t know what my boobs will do after I quit breastfeeding. I don’t know if my hips widened during pregnancy or if my pants are too tight because I’m still holding onto an extra 12lbs. Adding to that frustration is the fact that I’m in two weddings this year. One I’ve bought a dress for, but I spent $130 on that dress that I will never be able to fit into again. (I bought a size 6 and am usually a 00 or 0.) I’m having another wedding in October and the dresses are custom made and cost over $200 and take 12-14 weeks to come in. Do I wait and order it? Do I continue breastfeeding until October so that I can order it for the size that I am now? If I do that, then I won’t be able to wear the dress again and the dress is nice! I have no idea what to do at this point. But I don’t face that issue just with those dresses. I don’t know if I should buy new shirts and pants to fit my new body or wait. My clothes aren’t the most flattering for the body that I have now, or they just don’t fit at all, but I also don’t care to spend money on clothes that will be temporary.
I did decide to at least invest in some shorts for this summer and one swimsuit top. I’m fine living in v-necks for now.
But shopping was more difficult than I imagined it would be. I tried on a few dresses that just made me look silly. I did try on one that I really liked, but decided not to get it.
Then we tried on shorts. I think the styles now are just terrible, but I had the hardest time. Everything fit weird in the crotch or was skin tight and looked ridiculous. I ended up finding one pair at American Eagle but even those bunch up in my crotch when I’m walking, so I’m not in love with those.
Then we hit swimsuit tops. I assumed any top that tied in the back would fit me if I bought a large. That wasn’t the case. They didn’t fit my boobs well at all and despite being tied tightly, they were still huge around my rib cage since the actual front area was too wide for me but didn’t provide enough coverage. I ended up settling with one from Victoria’s Secret (thank the lawd for sales, because this top was a $60 top and that is INSANE- but it was 40% off… and I decided to just use black bottoms that I bought at Target the other day instead of buying the matching bottoms for it). Sorry for the weird angle making me look like my legs are 1/4 of my height. And those shorts I actually love but they are SO low (I bought those probably 10 years ago when super low rise shorts were in style and never ended up wearing them because they were way too big on me).
I still felt very uncomfortable in that top though. Unfortunately, the ones that offered more coverage didn’t fit properly. I just feel like they’re so boobalicious and really, as I’ve gotten older, I just don’t want my girls popping out all over the place. But I should probably enjoy these Freddie bagel titties (big old titties) while they still fill with milk and look perky because these things will probably be in sad shape once I stop breastfeeding. I went with it though, because this was the only top I tried that worked. They had other tops, but they have push up padding (so does this one) but a lot of them were terribly uncomfortable. Breastfeeding boobs are uncomfortable when you try to smash push up padding into half of them.
And in that picture above, I am totally fine with how I’m shaped. My belly isn’t the same as it used to be. I still have the linea negra (although it has lightened up already) and my scar from my belly button piercing is super dark and I have a weird belly button now in general. But I’m fine with it. I even kind of like it. But then I put clothes on…
and you can tell that my belly is still not quite what it used to be. So, I know it still looks fine. I know nobody looks at me and thinks I’m fat (and I don’t really care if people think I’m fat anyway). I just am not used to clothing this body and I don’t know what it will look like down the road, preventing me from buying clothes that I actually feel comfortable in right now.
I also have shirts that need certain bras and I am not buying special bras for these boobs (halter top bras, racerback, etc). I’ve actually been wearing all sports bras from Target which I prefer, but they are super full coverage and also super hot. But I think the underwire contributed to my mastitis last time and I’d like to avoid that again. So I only put a real bra on for short outings, and usually I’m too lazy for it then. Thankfully, I really like the sports bras from Target and they are shaped in a way that prevent me from looking like I have a flat uniboob. But they do stick out of a lot of shirts (see that dress above- the black in the neckline is my bra).
I did not expect to be frustrated with my body postpartum. I have never had body issues in the past and have been totally fine with how my body looks, even though I’ve gained and lost weight and muscle and even boob sizes over the years (they went from a very full C to a full A to a B before I ever got pregnant). I just assumed this wouldn’t matter. But getting dressed just drives me crazy and so does not knowing what my body will do in the next few months. I definitely am not self conscious and don’t think my body makes me unattractive and Jon still really loves everything about it, but the frustration!!!
Anyway, so that’s all I have to say about my most recent shopping experience. Hopefully once we get Jackson to daycare next week and I can start working out and have time to prepare more food, my belly will at least get to how it’ll usually be so I can figure out the shorts/pants situation and will only have to deal with the boobs!