Postpartum Body :/

My month is almost up at CrossFit Dojo. I’ve still been pretty less than impressed. There still hasn’t been one day that a warm-up has been really encouraged and the programming is pretty poor. However, the coach has been supportive of me doing whatever I want for scaling, which is nice. I also have 17 more days to use LA Fitness until my membership goes back on hold, so I took advantage of that today and it really felt nice to be back there.

But, working out postpartum is 100 times harder than I thought it would be. I had been told by so many people that because I was so fit before getting pregnant and because I worked out until almost the very end of my pregnancy, that “it would all come back so easily.” I’m convinced that all those people who spouted off those lies to me had never had a baby before.

It did not come back to me. I have always had an insanely strong core. I struggle doing 10 sit ups now. My feet come off the floor and I barely make it up by number 10. My abs are completely shot. My lower back hurts so bad if I try to lift heavy, so I have to avoid it. All of my lifting is much lighter than I would have ever lifted before. I can still do pull ups, but probably 25% of the amount I could do before. I did 7 minutes on the elliptical today and while I got up to a speed of 7 (on level 2, hah), I definitely felt like I was dying. My right knee has been giving me so many problems and the bottom of my left foot has been super painful. I am so stiff when I stand up now that I hobble around for a minute until I limber up a little bit.

I plan on YouTubing transverse ab videos so I can work on those and hopefully get some core strength back. After doing some sit ups yesterday, my incision was too sore to do any ab work today. So, I’ll rest my abs for a few days and start on the videos. I also have my referral to a physiatrist. I had all sorts of issues finding a physical therapist with my insurance (they are all in the Emory system, but nobody knows how to get in contact with the physical therapists when you call the numbers listed- I spent TWO hours trying to get in contact with one), so I asked if this physiatrist could help. The girl at the desk said she thought so, so if my first appointment doesn’t convince me, I’ll try to get in contact with a PT or pay out of pocket (a lot of money) for the postpartum PT that my OB referred me to. I know I need help in recovering this body.

Aside from the setbacks with working out, this body still just doesn’t feel like it’s mine. I really hate having big boobs. HATE IT. My clothes don’t fit right. My boobs jiggle all over the place. They aren’t cute. And my belly is still just not the same. I feel like it looks fine naked and really, a little extra skin doesn’t bother me a whole lot. But in clothing? It just isn’t my own belly. Clothes cling to it. Between my big boobs and my loose belly (which separates down the middle- it’s not just round), getting dressed is a real pain in the ass. The majority of my clothes don’t fit right. The dress that I’m wearing to be in Gina’s wedding looks ridiculous on me. I don’t feel self conscious about my body, but I just don’t really like it.

Ugh, Jackson is up AGAIN so I need to go tend to him.

 

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8 thoughts on “Postpartum Body :/

  1. *hugs* You’re keeping it real in your blog (and your life in general) and I like that. But, I think you should give yourself some grace. You are working out and doing so much more than a lot of new moms out there, and Jackson is still pretty young. Plus, you had major surgery with the C-section and the incision, and maybe those moms who told you you would bounce back had complication-free deliveries?

    It stinks that the CrossFit has been so crummy, but glad they let you modify the workouts. Still though, even if you use a groupon or a deal, you hope that the gym has better programming because that affects everyone even those paying full price, it says a lot about the particular business :(.

    • I agree about the gym (the programming part)- that gym charges $200 a month too, which is crazy! That’s more expensive than most CF gyms by about $20 a month. I think I just feel better cardio wise than when I was pregnant, so I feel like I should be able to do more. It’s also frustrating because I have no idea what I need to do to get my body back where it was because of the pain that I have and I’ve heard you need to build back up and not do certain things after being pregnant. I’m really hoping this physiatrist as some experience with postpartum women!

  2. Yeah you need to cut yourself some slack, you look fantastic and when you really sit and think about what your body has been through and still going through to repair itself it’s actually incredible. You’ll get back to beast mode in the gym just give it time! If it makes you feel better I can’t even do a pull up, my core strength is pretty poor and I’ve no baby to blame for it…just cupcakes and laziness ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Haha cupcakes and laziness sound WONDERFUL though! I think I just wasn’t sure what to expect after pregnancy with my body. I had no idea what it would look like and after always working so hard on staying healthy, it’s just… hard (?- not even sure if that’s the right word, because I’m not sure if it’s really all that hard) to adjust to looking completely different. I think I expected to have bigger boobs and even a bigger belly, but I didn’t know my belly would have two halves to it and I thought my clothes would cover it up, not accentuate it! It’s not something I obsess over at all- just trying to talk about those postpartum issues with people ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. You didn’t just have a baby, you had surgery. They had cut you open and go through all the layers to get Jackson. The recovery time is going to be slower with a c-section. Did you have an epidural too? I forgot. Epidurals cause bad back pain. My cousin who had hers natural, no paind meds nothing, bounced back pretty quickly after her baby. Each pregnancy is different and each delivery is too. You’ll bounce back.

    Yeah, it’s harder to shop for a body that has boobs or more. I now love my big boobs, but it is such a pain to find clothes.

    • I did have an epidural, but it’s the same pain I had during pregnancy before ever even having the epidural! I think the back pain is the most shocking part about this recovery- I REALLY expected it to just go away once I had Jackson. I expected some slower ab recovery, but definitely not the back pain. I really wish nursing bras had some sort of lift at least, because I feel like my boobs are just separated and not even attractive, but nursing bras don’t look like that because it can cause milk clogs and mastitis. So, I just have big, not cute boobs, haha. Oh well.

  4. Oh girl, I SO feel you on the frustration with how things fit! The couple times I’ve tried to do more than walking I feel like I practically have to strap my boobs to me with multiple sports bras to stop them going all over the place! It is no fun! I hope you’ll share if you find some good core exercises. I’ve felt the same way when I’ve tried to get back to a routine of sorts with working out!

    • Yes!!! I just went shopping for shorts and a new swimsuit top tonight and it was such a mess! I don’t even understand how a few extra pounds has managed to change my body SO much! My boobs are way too big and I just feel like I look so ridiculous! I know everybody else has told me that I look almost the same, but that’s because I am wearing the same things and leaving 98% of my closet untouched because the clothes don’t fit right anymore! I’m fine with my body naked, but I HATE how clothes fit it now! It’s so frustrating! I haven’t found any core exercises yet. I kind of stopped working out since I know once daycare starts in 2 weeks, I will be back on a schedule and want to soak up some time with Jackson right now!

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