Ah, life lately. I don’t even know where to go with this post. I feel like I’m sort of stuck in the middle of a huge transition but not there yet. It’s weird. I don’t feel like myself at all. Mentally, I’m the same, but physically? This body isn’t mine. Even my belly is different. I have contractions nonstop now. It literally hurts sometimes to try and get out of bed or off the couch. It feels like Jackson is ripping apart my bladder with his tiny little hands. I am so completely and utterly exhausted in a way I never have been before. My hands are numb 24/7 and my fingers hurt to bend. Jackson moves around a lot less because he’s a fully formed baby in my belly that isn’t even that big, so I don’t even get to enjoy as many baby tumbles. And I feel like when he moves a lot, he just causes me to have more contractions. I have no appetite anymore and can barely eat in the evenings because it makes me so nauseated at night. I woke up the other night for 2 hours and was nauseous and uncomfortable and it was my very first time thinking, “Please, just let me go into labor right now.” I have heard so many different labor experiences so I feel like I’ll be able to identify being in labor pretty easily, but I’m so curious what it’s going to be like for me. I want to know when it’s going to happen and how. I want to know if I’ll be able to deliver vaginally or will we have complications. I want to know if Jackson is going to be healthy. I’m definitely getting impatient, but also still can’t believe that I’m about to have a baby around 24/7. I’m soaking in trips to the grocery store alone. Leaving the house in 10 minutes. Showering without worrying about what Jackson is doing. It’s a strange time.
I haven’t been to the gym since last Monday. Like, over a week ago last Monday. I’ve been pretty busy with other stuff and yesterday when I did have time, I was so completely exhausted from being up for two hours in the middle of the night and having to wake up to go to work in the morning. I actually do really miss it, but at the same time, I feel like there are so many other things I need to do. Like get my hair cut and colored (I need to schedule that appointment). I kept it up till close to the end and maybe I’ll make it again, but I’ve also packed my schedule full with lunch dates and dinners and spending time with friends before the baby comes. I guess spending time with friends is what’s really winning out over the gym. (Grad school takes up the majority of my other time.)
Jon and I bought our glider last night for the baby’s room finally and then I decided I needed ice cream. I know it’s weird, but sometimes when my stomach feels unsettled, I crave ice cream. And my stomach is unsettled always at night now. I mentioned a place in Buckhead that I always see on the side of the road and want to try, so we did a little impromptu “date night” to go check out a the Shake Shack.
I surprisingly ate 1/2 my cheeseburger and I really didn’t like my shake to start with, but by the time I finished it, I loved it and wanted more. I also thought the fries were delicious but I think I just like potato products right now because they’re so plain. We were out till 10pm and got lost trying to find our car and it was freezing out, but it was fun. We rarely go out to eat anymore because we’re trying to save money, I have no desire to get off the couch to go out most of the time, and I also have no appetite. But I also kind of cherished that silly little quickie burger place because it’s going to be harder to run out to grab a shake or burger late at night once Jackson in here. I’m going to miss our time together.
Things on the married front are going well. Jon has done a few things that really frustrated me lately and I brought them up to him and instead of getting defensive, he’s apologized and given me massages to “make up for it.” Things have just kind of evened out. Maybe I’m too exhausted for my hormones to make me moody now, but I’m just kind of glad we have time to spend together. It’s also kind of cute because he’s all worried that everything I do is because I’m going into labor. I called him from work the other morning (which I always do) and he didn’t answer. He texted me and said, “Is everything ok?” Haha. And every time I have pain when I move (which is all the time), he’s like, “Are you okay? Do you think it’s labor?” I definitely think I’m more calm about the whole labor/baby thing than he is. I just feel like it’ll happen, we’ll know, and we’ll have time to get stuff together at the last minute. He’s like, “Um, don’t you need to pack your bag for the hospital now?” and “Maybe we should type of a birth plan for the hospital.” He’s going to be such a good dad. I really can’t wait to see his face when he sees his baby for the first time since being dad has always been one of his life goals. He has talked about being a dad since I first met him almost eight years ago. (I just got teary eyed- I cry about EVERYTHING!) I think being new parents will be very hard on our marriage because I know myself and I’m realistic- it’ll be hard. But I love him and it’ll be good too.
Anyway, I should go. I need to make breakfast and get some work done on my paper before getting ready for my girls night tonight! I’m excited to see my friends tonight and I’m even more excited because I slept great last night! When Jon got out of the shower, he was like, “You must have slept terrible. You were breathing hard and groaning all night long.” Haha. I slept great though aside from waking up for one contraction and then I fell right back to sleep! I must just be loud in my late pregnancy days!