New Jobs vs. Old Jobs

It has been a rough two days at work! Apparently between the increase in heart rate that you have during pregnancy and probably just having too much on my mind, I haven’t been sleeping well at all! I also feel like I’m in a fog a lot of times (which I actually noticed the day before and the day I found out I was pregnant), so work has been really less than pleasant lately. Not to mention the fact that I’m just burnt out. I’m getting irritated much more easily and am just over it. So yesterday and today really just kicked my butt.

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One of my good work buds texted me this after work (after I let her know that I did not quit my job before 7pm and made it through my shift!). Definitely summed up my day! I don’t even know how I keep it together sometimes.

However, on the job front, I had my interview with the cardiac floor the other day. It went pretty well, aside from me answering a question totally wrong (I was thinking of the wrong letters), and I actually enjoyed the interview. It was weird being back on the floor I worked on years ago! It smelled the same and everything! The only downfall is that the pay is a big pay cut. In order to take this job, I will have to drop my hours at my current job, which will cost me $5 an hour just at that job. And the pay cut from what I make now to this other job? $13 an hour. I honestly don’t even want to think about that, because just that thought stresses me out.

Another big downfall is that even though I only had to work 4 shifts a month, I’m on a rotating every 3rd weekend schedule and I can’t even begin to tell you guys how much I hate that. One of the best parts of my job is that I can pick and choose my weekends, even if I do have to work four weekend days per month.

I had to really think about this the other morning. Will I accept a job that I will be unhappy with my weekend schedule at, and that will end up costing me hundreds of dollars a month in income? But, sometimes I just have to focus on where this job will get me in the future, even though I may not love it now.

It’s a break from my current job. The ER is wearing me down and I honestly considered quitting today. I’m just so incredibly burnt out from that place! So it’ll change up my work schedule and I’ll go to another place to do part of my shifts, while still making somewhat decent pay (even if it does suck in comparison to what I make right now). I gain experience in another area, making me more marketable for future clinical nursing jobs and future management jobs. They sound like they have a lot of management opportunities from within, so it may be a good place to get my feet wet. And lastly, it’s a per diem job. I won’t find a job that will take me into a brand new field of nursing (for me) and only require me to work four days a month on day shift. I caught this floor at a desperate time.

So, sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do, in order to come out where you want to be. If I hate it, I quit. If I don’t hate it, well then, I’m really winning then, huh?

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Pregnancy Updates

After one month of really trying to get pregnant, and then another of using an ovulation kit, Jon and I planned our trip to Europe! We decided to quit trying to get pregnant (but not prevent it) so that we could enjoy a trip without worrying about anything. While we were in Europe, we talked about the things we could do with our lives if we never get pregnant. The best option (to me) was to sell our condo next year, take our money, and move to The Netherlands for 3 months. I love traveling so to me, this was perfect! Why would I even want kids?!

We quit tracking my period and stopped worrying about ovulation. I didn’t keep track the month before our vacation so I had no idea when I was ovulating. I was on my period in Europe, so while everybody made comments about us getting pregnant there, it was obviously not happening for us.

I’ve been secretly crossing my fingers not to get pregnant because I really just want to take another travel assignment in Colorado and go on a few more trips to Europe!

While looking for bobby pins the other day, I came across a pregnancy test in my bathroom drawer. I forgot I even had it since I we had stopped “trying.”

The other day at work, I felt nauseous for about a minute. It was quick and since I have such a sensitive stomach and it feels off frequently, I didn’t think much of it. It was a quick reminder that I should be getting my period this week.

When I got home from work that night, I went to go pee and for some reason, decided to take a pregnancy test.

I watched the horizontal line appear and went to pick up the test to throw it away, as I breathed a bit of a sigh of relief. And then the vertical line started popping up! And there was a + sign.

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It looked so faint in person that I was almost convinced that it was just some sort of error! I asked Jon if he thought it was positive and he said he thought so. I texted his sister that picture to ask her if it was positive, to which she replied that there are no false positives. She said she knew I was pregnant in Florida as soon as she saw me and that she actually told her husband that she thought we were going to announce it at dinner. She asked me that night if we were pregnant yet and I said no and I guess she was really shocked.

I felt 100% fine, so I really had no clue. I decided to take one more test in the morning (I found another one in the drawer) just to be sure. When I woke up at 3:50 and couldn’t sleep another second because I just had to know, I realized why the recommend taking it first thing in the morning- you can’t sleep or concentrate on anything after getting a positive!

I got up at 3:50 to pee on stick #2.

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So, there you have it. Two positive pregnancy tests.

We announced it to my family that night (my sister came in town) and then Facetimed Jon’s family to tell them. I wish we had taken a picture of his mom’s face! It was priceless! And so was our niece, Zoe’s!

I still don’t feel pregnant though, so it’s hard to believe. My confirmation appointment is July 15th. I found a due date calculator online and went back to figure out the date we were in Munich (when I got my period- which also was a week earlier than I thought, so my period was actually a week late when I took the test) so that I could calculate my due date. I’m due Feb 25th, according to the website. I’m 5 weeks and 1 day today based on my last period. I’ve had really mild cramping periodically and my boobs are definitely already hurting, but no nausea or anything.

It’s early. It’s actually really early to announce since I could still miscarry at any time. But I’m kind of an open book and I don’t really keep secrets so I might as make some announcements! Nobody I know personally reads this (we aren’t doing an official announcement for awhile, but we’ve told a handful of people). Besides, if this pregnancy fails, I’m sure I’ll want to discuss my thoughts. If it doesn’t, then we’re really still having a baby!

I will say, I woke up the other morning and really just basked in the silence. I also thought about how weird it’ll be to have a car seat in my car so soon! I still feel like my life is coming to an end, but I know this will grow on me as I start to actually feel more pregnant!

Weekend in Florida!

Well, I just spent 40 minutes writing a post and then accidentally closed out the tab. When did wordpress quit saving drafts? To sum this up much more quickly now because I’m not typing everything out twice, Jon and I had a great weekend in Florida this past weekend! We got down last Friday night and spent the weekend at his mom and dad’s house. On Saturday morning we had brunch with his parents. That afternoon, I decided to go swimming while Jon and his brother set out corn at the hunting club. My sister-in-law and nephew showed up, so I ended up staying out way longer than planned and got a miserable sun burn on my left shoulder. I don’t even know the last time I got this burnt (I’m usually really careful about it).

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We had a family dinner Saturday evening with the whole family, minus Jon’s twin sister (her family lives in Iowa, but they’re moving to Florida next month) and his brother’s wife and kid. It was so nice to see the kids again and spend time with them! After everybody left that night, I stayed up talking to Jon’s mom and dad for a few hours. We headed out Saturday morning (Jon’s parents and his sister’s family) to go to Silver Springs State Park. I don’t know that I’d ever recommend that park, since you can only kayak there for the day or take a glass bottom boat for 30 minutes, which we did. Not much to do there other than that! We had a picnic outside for lunch, and then Jon and I headed home!

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I’m the short one.

Since yesterday was Father’s Day, I thought I’d also throw together this little picture collage of my dad back in the day! I stole all of these pictures out of his Facebook album he put up of when he went to the Philippines with the Air Force back when he was in his early 20s, I believe. My brother looks so much like him! It’s crazy!

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Today was supposed to be my first day back to the gym, but I can’t even fathom putting a sports bra on this shoulder! I actually woke up wanting to go work out and this is the first time that has happened in awhile. I’ve been waking up in the mornings feeling completely drained! So, I’ll be back at it whenever this sunburn stops hurting so bad! At this point, it’s been a full month off (aside from two workouts before I hurt my hip again), but I think my body needed it after that trip and working so much. So, I’m fine with it. Although, I do feel like my arms are getting smaller and I need to work on that. I’ll be running errands today! I think I’ll eat a quick breakfast and then head out the door to go grocery shopping! I’m having a birthday dinner with Laura tonight since I missed her get together on Saturday night!

Okay, time to go be productive! I’m back to work a bunch this week and have my interview Thursday too! After Saturday, my work schedule eases off for two weeks- lots of 8 hours shifts! I can’t wait! I think I’ll take the next month easy too, although I do have tuition coming up and I need to buy my books!

Working too much, working out too little, and job updates!

Holy exhaustion! Jon and I had really good seats for the Braves game tonight, but I got home off work at 3pm and the very last thing I wanted to do was go to a Braves game! I was going to suck it up and go (and nap in the car on the way there), but Jon was able to get another friend to take the ticket! I literally just watched four trashy TV shows in a row and only got up one time to pee. Glorious.

After working all weekend, I worked from 7-3 on Monday. I had plans to go work on some wedding stuff with Gina and Kassie when I got off work, but Kassie cancelled. Gina and I decided to still meet up (she’s a teacher so it’s her summer break now). We hung out at her house before heading down to Hogdepodge Coffee, which I included a picture of in my last post if you’re just dying to see. I stayed at her house until 7:30, when I was convinced traffic would be good enough to go home.

On Tuesday, both Jon and I were off work. I really love having days off together in the middle of the week, but I’m craving some serious downtime and a day off with him just isn’t the same as a day off alone! I slept in a little and then we headed out to get some coffee! We went to Rev Coffee for the first time! I initially wasn’t too impressed with my vanilla latte, but after two sips, I fell in love. It was actually really good coffee! Jon was impressed with his coffee as well! The only downfall was that for a Tuesday afternoon, it was super crowded in there and the music was kind of loud. Grandma over here prefers quiet coffee shops with less people all over the place. I like the peace and quiet involved in a cup of coffee, ya know? By the way, we’re really contemplating a French press. After how unenvironmentally friendly Keurigs are, I feel like I should get rid of mine… When it dies, of course… I would hate to waste a perfectly good Keurig…

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After coffee, I agreed to go to a gun store with Jon. I had flashbacks to the gun show my dad took me to when my mom left my brother and me home alone with him when I was eight. I literally cried of boredom. Literally. But I actually like guns now.

When we got home from the gun show (and I’m not talking about my biceps, har har), we went to the pool for maybe 30-45 minutes. It was so hot, but it was nice to have somebody to get in the water with! I’ve actually barely been to the pool this summer, but I’m sure my pasty skin is thanking me for keeping the UV rays off of it. The rest of Tuesday was pretty much an errand running/cleaning day and then we caught one episode of Orange is the New Black before going to bed.

Wednesday was back to work for 12 hours. Since I’m working with pediatrics probably 70% of the time now, I’m having small victories! We have a children’s ER, but our actual children’s hospital is downtown, so we don’t accept traumas by EMS and stuff like that. Keeps a lot of the crazy stuff out. But that means my learning is much slower than it was with adults, because I was thrown into plenty of critical situations with adults early on. I was totally pumped because I went to give a two year old Motrin and Benadryl, and I always let the mom give it. The kid spit the Motrin everywhere when the mom tried to give it and then I successfully got her to take Benadryl without spitting any of it out. Small victories, I tell you. Then we had a baby who had been seizing for 30 minutes and it was my first time in our resus room (or our “critical” room for peds)! Thankfully we had an actual peds nurse there, because I had no idea where anything was.

As a quick side note: I still have not heard back from the job I interviewed for with the pediatric hospital. I mean, I did email them and find out they were still interviewing maybe two weeks ago. I reached out again today because I have an interview next week for a per diem job with adult med/surg at a hospital I worked at six years ago (still waiting on another email). It’ll be unlikely that I’ll be offered a per diem position like this again, so I know I need to take it if I get offered, but I’m really wanting to transition to peds as my second job. I’m just kind of over adults. Adults are such trainwrecks. But the adult job is on a telemetry floor, and if I have to do any floor nursing, I’d rather it be cardiology or neurology, so I guess I’d survive.

Anyway, after work on Wednesday, I met up with Jon to play trivia with his group of friends. We lost by a lot, and I was so tired when we got home! I was up for about 30 minutes before heading to bed!

I had another day at work today for eight hours. Thankfully it was a very nice eight hours! I actually went and did a class on this new lab system that we’re getting since I didn’t have any patients this morning! I’m always pleased to see when I work with the kids for my whole shift! And then you guys already read about my evening on the couch, so no need to go over that again!

I’m on call tomorrow so I’m really crossing my fingers not to get called in! I just worked 105 hours in the last two weeks, and that was immediately after getting home from Europe! The good news it that we’re almost positive Jon has a full time job in the bag. He’s the only one going to the final interview and he’s had so much positive feedback, and it’s the company he is already working with. Fingers crossed! If he gets it, I’m not going to work any extra hours for a little while!

Also, when we get the insurance figured out (we have private insurance now, but we may switch if he gets better options for coverage), I think I may have to get an MRI of my hip finally. It has been hurting worse again, after all that time of starting to get better! I do feel like the only thing they’ll tell me is to stay off of it, which I can’t really do at this time… But, I should figure out what’s going on. The hip pain and being tired/busy all the time has kept me out of the gym. I haven’t even wanted to go, so I decided to take a little more time off. I plan on getting back to it this coming week, but I’ll be back to babying my hip again and I’m just so tired of that! I have also been eating awful because everybody keeps bringing cake and unhealthy food to work, and since I’m there, I just keep eating it all. And my motivation to eat better is lacking because my physical activity is down in the dumps (other than the thousand miles I just walked this week at work). The food is definitely taking a toll on how I feel though.

This got really long! Woops, sorry about the information overload! It’ll probably be another few days before I post again though! Time to head to bed… at 9:15pm. Womp womp.

To be selfish, or not to be selfish?

Happy Monday! I survived a work weekend + Monday! Thankfully, it was an 8 hour day working with the kids and this Monday in CEC (children’s emergency center) was way better than any Monday I’ve had with the adults. I’m just really loving me some peds lately.

Want to know why I’m blogging now? Because I plopped down in this chair as soon as I walked in the front door and I don’t even feel like walking these sausage legs to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I have nothing else to do online, so why not bore you with my life?

I’m really debating on whether or not to go to Florida this weekend. I really debated it back in May too, and staying home won out. I love seeing my niece (just one) and nephews (all four of them that live there) and getting to see the in-laws, but I just don’t want to give up three days in a row off work to commit to being out of town.

In our travels to Europe (the pictures may never come…), I think I remembered again how much I love traveling outside of the country. Not that I ever really forget it, but there’s nothing like leaving the country to kick that wanderlust back into gear. Jon and I dreamt of selling our condo and moving to Europe for three months to explore. Or just sending me back out on some travels in whatever way I can manage (which will be easier when Jon starts a full time job). I don’t know. Traveling is my passion. I wish I could pick up and travel regularly.

But traveling with a baby (this topic is now shifting to babies and travel)? No. Not going to do it. I know somebody at work told me that I could take my kids to Europe with me. Um, let me think about that. No. I bought my own way to Switzerland and Italy for my first big trip and I’m not about to be paying the way for some little sticky kid who won’t even appreciate what they’re seeing. The point of traveling is to be free from your life at home and to explore another area fully. How hard is it to do that when you’re concentrating on your kid not getting snatched up or taking 45 minutes to dress your kid in the morning?

So, I’m having a big regression in my want for kids. Although I still know that I’d adjust to my life as a mother and would love to have adult kids in the future, I just can’t even imagine life where I can’t just be selfish and pick up and go where I want, when I want.

I can’t imagine a life where I can’t pick up and just go to the gym when I want, or run to CVS in 20 minutes flat. I can’t imagine having to worry about what I’ll do with a baby if I get called into work during the week. What about writing papers in silence? Or just silence at all. I love silence. I also love uninterrupted sleep. And sleeping in until 9:30. And drinking coffee as slowly as I’d like…

And so I think I’m just clinging to this childless life as much as possible. I don’t want to go spend time with more kids (even if I love them dearly) because I might be surrounded by one 24/7 sometime soon. I don’t want to give up a three day weekend off, because three day weekends will never be the same (and if we don’t have kids, it’ll be at least three years before a weekend doesn’t having grad school creating some black cloud looming overhead). So when I have these days off where I can have all the friend time I want or I can just go chill with my mom and dad, it’s hard to spend 12 hours in the car and then give all of my free time away.

But then I feel guilty, cause you know, life isn’t really all about me. It’s about my relationships and my husband and our family. While Jon doesn’t mind that I don’t go with him to Florida, I still feel like I should be there. But I’ll now only have 4 weekend days off each month because of new requirements at my job, and we’re going to Florida in July, plus I’m dedicating two weekends in August to my friend’s wedding. I just… need this me time. I’ve been working my ass off lately, and I need some solitude. Or a lot of solitude. I just need it, okay?

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To end our chat, here’s the coffee from Hodgepodge Coffee that I had tonight with Gina. Interesting place.

Weekly Ramblings & Updates

I’ve still made hardly any progress on trip photos! I’ve gone through maybe 350 now out of 3,200! That’s the worst part of the trip- sorting through photos!

I’ve had a fun week though, despite this being my heavy work week (which continues until next Wednesday).

Tuesday morning, I met a girl from work at Sun in my Belly in Decatur!

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Our breakfast was so good! Mallory and I both ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, and a biscuit, plus Mallory got fruit and grits. The fruit bowl was all berries and no melon (how I like it), and the rest of the food was so good! The eggs had such good cheese in them, the biscuit was so soft, and the bacon was so delicious (and I’m so picky about bacon). I also got a vanilla latte that was amazing! It wasn’t bitter at all and it was so smooth! I was in heaven. The line there is apparently out the door on weekends, but it was perfect during the week!

After that, I headed to Gina’s to start bachelorette party planning! It was a fairly productive day, but now the maid of honor is proposing other ideas. Quite frankly, it’s a pain in the ass to plan a bachelorette party! Especially something out of town. Nobody responds very well to Facebook messages and it just makes the job really difficult. Plus, nobody has told us a set budget at all so it’s hard to know what people can afford.

I think the rest of my Tuesday probably involved some grocery shopping and making dinner with Jon.

I worked Wednesday and Thursday. Thankfully, I had fairly decent days. Neither day involved working out since my hip was really bothering me from kickball still, so I’ve been pretty inactive, aside from all the miles I’m sure I walked at work. Jon and I did go to trivia on Wednesday night with his friends. We went the other week and it was fun. I’m still kind of the awkward outsider since Jon knows most of them and they all know each other, but in time, I’m sure I’ll get to know them! Although, trivia is on my kickball nights now, so I don’t know that I’ll be playing trivia much unless a game is rained out!

Today I had brunch plans with another girl from work! I was sleeping so hard this morning. No clue how I even managed to get out of bed. Work wears me out.

We went to First Watch for brunch and I had a hash that was so good (and also what I had the last time I was there). It was so good to catch up with Stephanie since she’s out on maternity leave. I also got to see her precious baby girl, but she slept the whole time! I wish Stephanie lived closer to me since I don’t make it that far north very often unless it’s to see my parents, but I really like spending time with her!

I ended up stopping by the mall and buying a dress after, which I may or may not return. Then I grabbed some Chipotle to take to Jon at work and visited with him while he ate lunch.

I caught up on the Bachelorette and cleaned up the house just now. I was hoping to be headed to Gina’s awhile ago, but she hasn’t texted me back. I’ll be stuck in traffic for at least 1 1/2 hours now if I head to her house, but we’re supposed to be doing wedding stuff with Kassie tonight. I may just skip out if she doesn’t get back to me within the next 30 minutes or so because I have no patience for sitting in traffic all night, especially since I work all weekend long!

This is a random side note, but I am dying to get my hair cut! (Also, I don’t even know why I buy clothes because all I wear is a white v-neck shirt from Target 24/7. I have two that I just rotate on my days off.)

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I can be completely fine with my hair and then I decide I just have to have it cut as soon as possible. It doesn’t look nearly as bad in the picture, but it’s just getting way too long for me. I think I’m going to get a good 4-5″ cut off when I go back. I was also really considering not dying my hair anymore, but I’m going to keep on coloring it, I’ve decided. My roots are around my eyebrows now, but it’s not that obvious. I don’t like my natural color though. So, once I get paid again (since our paychecks this week were a joke since we were on vacation), I plan on getting it fixed up. I want bangs again too, but I’m going to wait until after Kassie’s wedding to do that.

Off to go find something to do! Jon just got home, so maybe we’ll do something together on this fine Friday night! Nice and early though cause of my work weekend!

Love me some WEEKENDS!

I’ll update on my weekend while I have things to talk about, instead of posting all of my trip photos now. Besides, I’m not even 1/4 way into my trip photos yet so I have a ways to go still!

I was so excited to be off all weekend long! I worked until 7pm on Friday, but I was so excited about being in town for a weekend then I met up with Laura even though I was exhausted! I have a feeling my stories made no sense after a crazy few days at work, but whatever. We ran to Target and then grabbed a Greek dinner out on a patio. It was perfect weather and I was so happy to be sitting outside! We had to get some ice cream to finish off the night, of course! (So much for eating healthy only.)

I was out the door by 9:30 on Saturday morning to make it to the gym! First day back in three weeks! I had a really good arm workout, despite the millions of people all over the gym. I made a pit stop at Costco and then decided to meet up with Gina since we’re working on planning Kassie’s Bachelorette party! I think Jon was a little bummed that I canceled our hangout day (but I just spent over two weeks with him nonstop!!!!), so I decided to grab some coffee with him before heading downtown.

We got our usual Land of a Thousand Hills, but it was a beautiful day outside so we finally sat on the porch! We haven’t had a coffee date in awhile because of our trip and our work schedules, so it was nice to be at our usual place together!

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After coffee, I went downtown for my planning session with Gina! We met at her mom and dad’s condo in downtown Atlanta since she was cat sitting there and went to the pool before we started planning! Unfortunately, we didn’t get much planned because during our planning session, Kassie’s maid of honor told us that she was going to talk to Kassie about switching the weekend of the bachelorette party! We called it a day after throwing around some ideas and took Gina’s dog on a walk, and then I decided to finally head home to spend some time with Jon.

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I signed up for a kickball team in Atlanta and I am really horrible at sports, so Jon and I went to a park on Saturday night so I could practice! I actually had a ton of fun and while I was pretty bad, I wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought I’d be! But I definitely irritated my hip again from throwing the ball and I was limping when I got to work today. Is this dang thing ever going to get 100% better?! UGH!

Sunday morning, Jon was up and headed out for a bike ride when I got out of bed at 9am. I decided to hit up the gym for a leg day and there was hardly anybody there! A huge difference between Saturday and Sunday mornings! I remember thinking that last time too, but I guess I forgot! I wasn’t there long (long enough to get my legs nice and sore though), and then I came home to eat breakfast and went to the pool for 30 minutes before showering to meet up with Crista.

Crista and I went to a craft fair downtown. I took MARTA and when I got out of the station, a homeless man offered to walk me to the freight depot where the show was. He seemed totally nice, but I remained pretty hypervigilant the whole time cause I totally wondered if he was going to have his homeboys jump out from behind a building and kill me. The area is pretty sketchy around there and all the people were pretty sketchy looking too. The guy took me safely to my destination, so I gave him $6 for the walk that my GPS was directing me on, despite his insistence that my GPS would take me to the wrong place.

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I arrived at the craft show and spent a few hours with Crista there. It wasn’t anything major, but it was still neat to see. It was good at see Crista at least, even if craft shows may not totally be my thing. I appreciate that people hand make such neat things, but I’m not really okay with paying $75 for a plain necklace. Crista and I went back to her house and sat outside until Jon came to pick me up!

Jon and I went to dinner at my mom and dad’s house. It was good to see them since it has been a few weeks! We spent 1 1/2 hours looking at trip photos after dinner and only made it half way through the 4th day! I guess that’s what happens when I have over 3,000 photos! And Jon likes to tell stories to go with our photos, so it takes longer. We didn’t get home till late and then I caught up on trash TV shows since I called our TV on Sunday night!

Today was back to work for a full day in the children’s ER, thankfully! I was so unbelievably happy to see my name on the board with the kids all day on a Monday! The adult waiting room had over 50 people in it when I left and we were holding 24 admission holds when we got there this morning! We were set in the children’s ER!

Trip updates and other random updates to come!