My Husband is the Perfect Dad Response

Have any of you guys read this article: My Husband Is the Perfect Dad – and It Almost Killed Our Marriage? I read it and felt like I could feel what this woman felt! She tried communicating with her husband to tell him how she felt, and he said the right words but never followed through (something that Jon and I deal with)! She felt alienated and alone in her own home, and typically, when somebody feels that way, their loneliness just leads to a downward spiral! She felt so grateful to have such a great dad but what about his role as a husband? Despite having three kids close together, shouldn’t a woman still feel wanted by her man? Although sometimes I get annoyed with how much my husband wants to be intimate with me, I would also be worried if he didn’t feel that way about me!

Then I read the comments!

This article makes me sick.. A baby or a grown woman; who needs my attention?! What a pathetic excuse for a pity party, I cannot fathom someone actually being jealous of their children.

Why even have kids if you are so insecure in your relationship with your husband? With all the single moms out there today, any of them would be extremely happy to be married to a guy like this. You are so right- she is spoiled, insecure, selfish, and wouldn’t know what it is to be a good parent if it smacked her in the face.

How STUPID do you have to be to have 3 kids in less than 3 years and then complain about how you aren’t the center of the universe anymore? … And I’m sorry, but your children ALWAYS come first and if you want it any other way PLEASE DON’T HAVE ANY!!

The entire article is, “oh poor pitiful me…nobody’s paying attention to me anymore.” Not once did she mention that she made any effort in the slightest to balance anything out.

This woman is selfish! Im a single mom of 4.. i wish i had a guy come take a load off of me so i can have a good nights sleep!

You’re such a victim.he did everything and all you saw was what you weren’t getting.

Do you ladies realize that kids should be put first, before intimacy and etc.?

Wow. I felt pretty annoyed by reading those comments, as I’m sure they were reading the article. Although, multiple comments focused on how communication is key and I can’t help but wonder if they skimmed over the parts about her trying to tell him how she felt! You can communicate all you want, but if nothing is resolved, then it doesn’t help!

Who expects to have kids and then be pushed to the side? I doubt any mother of 3 expects that it will be easy, but you also don’t know before you have children what you’re getting into. You can’t just decide you’re overwhelmed and give one back! When you feel alone or overwhelmed, your partner should be there to lift you up! Not to ignore you and lift up the kids!

I understand single moms say that they’d love to have this help. But that’s the thing. This woman isn’t a single mom! She is married! And she should have a husband who wants to kiss her when he comes home! And yes, kiss her first! She should also have a partner who will discipline the children along with her and will stick to his wife’s words when she parents them. You can’t undermine your spouse when you’re supposed to be united.

I know plenty of comments said that she should co-parent and should be awake with her kids sometimes and let her man sleep. I don’t think the article ever mentions that she didn’t to that, it was just that she felt lonely to wake to an empty bed. Her husband could have gotten up with their daughter and brought them to bed to see the sun come up as a family, or go to bed with his wife and then get up for the last feeding when the child woke up. Nobody in a marriage should have to feel like they’re chasing their spouse around and they shouldn’t have to beg for attention.

When you marry a man/woman, you are committing your life to them. If you kiss them every day when you get home, then do that when you have kids. Your kids don’t have to get the first kiss. They’ve never had it! They won’t suddenly feel like they aren’t good enough if if you’ve been kissing your spouse every day when you get home. That child will see a loving marriage and hope that when they get married, their spouse wants to kiss them every day when they get home too.

I think people confuse meeting the needs of their child with making them a priority. Yes, your kid needs to be fed and changed. If you are in the middle of a conversation with your husband and your child is suddenly hungry, should you jump up to feed them? (Many people used this as an example and said yes.) I say no! Kids don’t need to learn that if they want something, they can get it now no matter what. Also, feeding your kids in 5 minutes when you’re done with your conversation about your day with your husband is just fine. Five minutes of hunger is not “neglect!” I don’t know how many times I told my mom I was hungry and she told me to wait till dinner was ready in an hour! And look at me now- I’m alive- I don’t think the world revolves around me either.

I don’t think this woman got to the point of separation because she was jealous of her kids. I think it was because she tried numerous times to tell her husband that she needed to feel like his wife, not just the mother of his children, and he didn’t listen.

Children are (supposed to be) brought into this world when a couple loves each other! That love came first, before a child. I know Jon’s family was raised “God, spouse, children” and it worked. Although we don’t believe in God, I do believe  that I married Jon. I chose to be with him and I choose to live him. I want him with me for the rest of my life. (I did read a comment that said your kids will always be yours, but you can always get a new husband. I feel pretty certain that person came from a divorced home and if she hasn’t been divorced yet, will be.) In order for that to happen, he needs to come before our kids when we have them. If we don’t meet each other’s needs and one of us leaves, that leaves our children in a broken family. Wouldn’t it be better to show your kids how to love your spouse, how to be a good parent, and not have them go back and forth between Mom and Dad’s house?

I know I’m still childless (thankfully), so maybe my opinion doesn’t matter. When I have kids though, I want to make sure that I remember how I feel about this. I never want to feel like I take a backseat in my marriage and I never want Jon to feel that way either. I want us to continue living the reasons that we married, not just think of them as a distant memory.

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