I’m in such a rut! I can’t remember if I wrote about this or not, but winters are hard for me. I have a fairly large history with depression and winters tend to be even worse for me. Luckily, I’m PRN at work now, so I don’t work 4 days in a row and not see any daylight. However, it’s still cold out. I’m lacking vitamin D. I hate having to bundle up and always feel uncomfortable in winter clothing. There are no trips to the beach! Winter just sucks!
Anyway, so I woke up this morning at 8:30. I was shocked. I was still feeling exhausted but Jon asked if I wanted to get up and make him breakfast, and being the fabulous girlfriend that I am, I did just that. I also knew if I slept through him leaving for class, I’d sleep way too late. Besides, I really do like spending time with him first thing in the morning. He left and I made my own breakfast and worked on some biology. Then I decided to run.
Instead, I noticed my cat asleep on the bed, so I laid down and took a 1 1/2 hour nap. This is the type of rut I’m talking about. My alarm went off a million times, but I just hit snooze because I just didn’t want to get up. Especially when I’m in school, this hits me hard around this time of the year! The end of the semester seems so far away and all I want to do is sleep! I feel exhausted 24/7 and my motivation to work out is just not there!
I did finally manage to get up and go run. I had my eyes set on 9 miles, but really, that was unrealistic. My longest run ever is 8 miles, and that was a month ago. Since then, I haven’t gone longer than a 3 mile run since I have new shoes. And that 8 mile run was painful!
I was really lacking motivation at the start of the run. I wanted to die. I was also running a new route and the miles were just feeling really long. After the third mile, I felt fine cardio wise. I kind of hit a spot where I just don’t feel miserable anymore. However, once I got to probably about mile 5, I started feeling my left knee. It really wasn’t bad so I decided I could finish out the run with that dull ache. The more I ran though, the more it hurt. I had to stop at mile 6 (actually, 6.1 in 59:48). It was turning into a sharp pain and I was still 2 miles from home (I was going to add a loop to make 9). I knew there was no way I’d even make it 2 miles, so I just walked.
And my knee killed me the whole way home (and it got really cold after walking 2 miles in spandex and a tank top!). It already feels fine again (I’ll see how it is tomorrow) and I noticed that the last long run I did, the pain went away pretty quickly. It definitely doesn’t feel muscular, but I have no idea what it is. It was a much more generalized pain again (I think it’s the shoes) than a localized pain.
It’s frustrating because I wonder if the pain will always be there. Will I ever actually be able to increase my mileage or will that pain always come when I get further into my run? But then I remind myself that I don’t really run that much. I ran 8 miles on 10-14. Since then, I’ve gone a total of 13.59 miles! In over a month! And only one of those runs was 3 miles and the others were all shorter. So I can’t be surprised when I get out there and have pain. Cardio-wise, yeah, I could probably go out and do a half marathon now. I am in shape! But my body can’t just go run that far. So it’s frustrating when I can breathe fine and emotionally, I want to run way farther! But my body stops me. I knew going into this that I wanted to go slow and that even though people told me I could easily run a half marathon in a few months when my first run was 4.45 miles. But I know I get pain with running. I always have.
So I’m going to set goals I think. I actually really need to do it. I hesitate to set goals because I really never stick with them if they’re too specific. Probably more realistic goals for me would be to have a 15 mile week (and that’s not my goal, just saying, I can’t committ to running a certain number of days or miles per day- I don’t work like that). I did decide not to do runs of less than 3 miles anymore (unless I’m with Kassie, then I’ll do less, but that’s more for fun). I also think I need to run the shorter distance (of 3 miles) more regularly and make sure my body is getting used to it.
I was going to go to the gym and lift but really didn’t have time, thanks to my long nap. But I won’t be running tomorrow, so maybe I’ll plan on staying at the gym longer.
This was long and probably really boring. It’s really more for me to track my progress.
I have class again tonight and I actually got dressed and look decent (which I actually usually do for class). But instead, I’m really thinking about throwing on my sweatpants over my Under Armour leggings and wearing sweatshirts. Yes, multiple. I’m freezing right now and am not in the mood to be cold (see first paragraph). I’m really in the mood to just cuddle on the couch with Jon tonight and relax! It has been so nice to have a day off and I just want to enjoy some time with him!
Okay, I need to head off to class!