The Longest Survey E.V.E.R.

  1. What are your favorite smells?
    Fresh cut grass!
  2. Can you go a whole day without caffeine?
    Yep! I try not to have caffeine on my days off work, but sometimes I still drink a regular cup of coffee. I never have more than one cup of coffee though, and I don’t drink anything else with caffeine.
  3. Who knows you more than anyone else?
    Jon and Laura would be my top two!
  4. What song did you last listen to?
    Something in the car, but I was too busy thinking about our awful trip to the grocery store and other overwhelming life events to pay attention to the radio.
  5. Do you have a crush on anyone?
    Jon…?
  6. Who is your celebrity crush?
    I don’t have one!
  7. Most romantic moment?
    When Jon let me sleep in until 8am after we had a baby… Haha.
  8. If you could choose one color to wear for a whole year, what color would you choose?
    Green.
  9. Do you cook often?
    Occasionally. I wish I cooked more, but I haven’t gotten back into it much since having a baby.
  10. What was the last film you watched? Did you like it?
    Bad Moms. It was okay. I don’t think I’d recommend paying movie theater prices for it.
  11. Can you sew?
    I could sew a few straight lines here and there.
  12. What is your favorite fruit?
    It used to be berries, but lately I’m loving nectarines and mangos.
  13. Are you health conscious?
    Yeah, although not as much as I should be lately. I still eat a lot of fruits and veggies but I also eat a lot of not so great stuff too!
  14. Do you curse a lot?
    Nope. I used to have the dirtiest mouth ever, and when Jon and I started dating, I remember him telling me how unladylike it was to swear so much. And now I only drop the F bomb if I’m really upset about something.
  15. When was the last time you had a pint of beer?
    Ummm… A few weeks ago at a brewery for Kassie’s birthday.
  16. Is there a certain food you often crave for no reason?
    Chocolate. But there is a reason. Because I love it.
  17. Where was your last vacation?
    Lake Tahoe.
  18. Do you shave your pits?
    Obviously…
  19. What’s the last thing you’ve done that was crazy?
    Haha, nothing. I am so not a crazy person. It has been years since doing crazy things was part of my life.
  20. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how did it happen?
    Nope!
  21. How do you like your eggs?
    Fried with cheese and on a bagel sandwich.
  22. What was your last argument about and who with?
    How Jon got us kicked off our car insurance policy because he used it to replace two windshields, and one of them was just to sell his dang Jeep (although he thinks it is also because of me, because I was in a car accident in 2014 and then had to use the roadside assistance because my battery died in Oregon).
  23. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now?
    Pretty much, yeah. I wish I could travel more often, but it’s good.
  24. Do you drink enough water?
    I drink a lot of water, but I think for making 50oz of milk a day, I should be drinking more.
  25. When was the last time you ate at Burger King?
    I can’t recall. It may have been 4 years ago when I got those Cinniminis for breakfast when Crista and I went to my parent’s cabin.
  26. Do you prefer the beach or the mountains?
    Tough question. I LOVE beaches aside from standard east coast USA beaches. And really, I prefer the coastline, not necessarily when there is a beach on the. I’ve been fortunate enough to see some AWESOME beaches! However, mountains are amazing and I really wish I was badass enough to do some serious glacier hikes and super long hikes up in the northwest.
  27. How do you usually feel when you wake up on a morning?
    Tired and like I don’t want to pump.
  28. When was the last time you wore high heeled shoes?
    I don’t know? Not recently. Probably before I was pregnant.
  29. Vodka or wine?
    Wine. But I prefer beer, overall. Or Moscow Mules.
  30. How often do you cry?
    I tear up a lot over things like kids getting cancer or stories online about terrible child situations, but other than that, not much. I don’t really all out ugly cry much.
  31. Ever had a crush on a teacher?
    Coach Loveless in 10th grade. He was awesome.
  32. Can you wire a plug?
    No?
  33. Do you wear socks to bed?
    In winter.
  34. What is currently bugging you?
    Well, State Farm kicking us off our car insurance, mostly.
  35. Where were you when you got your first period?
    In Ohio. I went to visit my friend Maggie after we moved to Georgia when I was 15, and I got it at her house.
  36. Can you change a car tire?
    Nope. I learned in driver’s ed but I was too busy talking to a friend, and the teacher was like, “One day, you’ll really wish you paid attention to this!” Although, Jon has assured me that I’m not strong enough to do it, so why bother?
  37. Have you met more than ten celebrities?
    No?
  38. Do you sleep naked?
    No, I actually hate sleeping naked. I wear a t-shirt and underwear. In the winter, I wear socks too and sometimes PJ pants (tucked into my socks so they don’t ride up my legs).
  39. What was the best music gig you’ve ever attended?
    Something Corporate used to put on awesome concerts, but I haven’t been to a concert in a really long time.
  40. Have you ever had sexual feelings for anyone you follow?
    Follow where?
  41. Do you think Benedict Cumberbatch is hot?
    Is that really somebody’s name?
  42. Favorite Disney princess?
    Uhhh… what?
  43. Favorite city?
    BRUGES, Belgium! LOVED it there! Hands down my favorite city EVER! VERY closely followed by Haarlem, Netherlands.
  44. Can you drive?
    Yep.
  45. Cigarettes or alcohol?
    Alcohol.
  46. Exercise or healthy eating?
    Both. Healthy eating actually probably makes me feel better overall, but exercise makes this body rocking’, haha. I’m kidding.
  47. What are you looking forward to?
    Relaxing. I just don’t know when it’ll happen.
  48. What do you plan on doing with your life a decade from now?
    I hope I’m taking a bunch of awesome trips. We’ll probably have another kid. And another house. And maybe I’ll have another job.
  49. Would you rather go back in time or remain where you are in terms of the time of your life?
    Where I am.
  50. What do you crave for desserts?
    Chocolate and cheesecake, but not together. Plain cheesecake.
  51. Who are your style icons?
    The Target models who wear the V-necks. Or at least they must be, because that is ALL I wear.
  52. Do you believe in an afterlife?
    No.
  53. What do you fear most about death?
    That my child will die before me.
  54. Extrovert or Introvert?
    I’m a happy medium, I think.
  55. Do you own any pets?
    Two cats. I regret Rascal, but I think I’ll love him after he loses his balls.
  56. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
    Jon. Had to talk to him about my horrible grocery store trip with Jackson.
  57. Favorite TV shows?
    I don’t really have a favorite now that they were all cancelled. I watch trash Bravo TV and MTV.
  58. Do you prefer to text or call?
    Call.
  59. Morning or night?
    Morning.
  60. Do you like tacos?
    Yes. They were my favorite food when I was younger and then I learned how to make them and they lost their appeal.
  61. Do you enjoy walks?
    Yes! Jon and I used to go on evening walks all the time and I actually really miss them now that Jackson goes to bed when it’s still super hot during the day.
  62. Are you a frequent user of Facebook?
    Yeah, I should probably cut back.
  63. Do you watch animated shows still?
    No, I HATE cartoons.
  64. What’s your “lucky” number?
    ?
  65. Are you scared of anything?
    People I love dying. And flying. And heights.
  66. Any phobias?
    Flying. Isn’t that kind of the same questions?
  67. Big mac or big whopper?
    I actually don’t think I have ever had either.
  68. Do you like to play board games?
    Yep! Mostly Scrabble.
  69. Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars?
    Um, yes. If it was small.
  70. Would you forgive someone for cheating?
    I’m married, so I think if it was a one time thing, I wouldn’t throw a marriage away over it. If it was ongoing, it would really be hard to forgive. I’m not sure.
  71. Do you believe in aliens?
    I’m sure other planets have life.
  72. Are you a grumpy person?
    Kind of, yeah.
  73. Are you a worry wart?
    About some things, but not about other things!
  74. Do you like having your picture taken?
    I don’t mind it.
  75. Do you like cotton candy?
    Nope.
  76. Do you believe in ghosts?
    No.
  77. What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried?
    I have no idea.
  78. Do you like math?
    Nope. I do enough math to calculate medications, and that’s it. And how much money I make.
  79. Do you remember lyrics easily?
    Oh god, no. I know a few songs and that’s it.
  80. What was/is your favorite school subject?
    I actually used to really like math, but I hate it now. I don’t like any subjects.
  81. Are you allergic to anything?
    Nope, thankfully.
  82. Do you like rainy days?
    I do love an occasional rainy day if I don’t have anywhere to go and can chill at home and listen to the storm! But now that I live in a condo with somebody above me, it’s not quite the same! Rainy nights in the cabin are the best though!
  83. Do you like pie?
    Yes!
  84. Do you lift weights?
    Yep.
  85. Would you like children in the future?
    No. But too late. I already have one!
  86. Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed?
    Open. I think our closet would stink if we kept the door closed, so it’s always open.
  87. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
    No. I’m super picky about my shampoo and conditioner.
  88. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
    Tons. And tons.
  89. Have you ever peed in the woods?
    I was in the Army. I have peed everywhere.
  90. Do you still watch cartoons?
    No. Hate them.
  91. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
    Temporarily.
  92. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
    I’d never strip because I have no rhythm. I wouldn’t be against posing nude. I wouldn’t do it in a vulgar way, but I mean, it’s just a naked body. If somebody wants to see this milk makin’ boobies, well, whatever.
  93. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
    To Jon for our anniversary last year. I “forgot” this year.
  94. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
    Two. I’ve been pulled over countless times, but I only got one when I was 16 and one in Idaho when I was doing travel nursing, and it was for going 83 in an 80. Seriously, stupid.
  95. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
    A grandpa. Or a witch. That was about it.
  96. Sing in the car?
    Not usually.
  97. Ever used a gun?
    Plenty of times.
  98. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
    Yep, don’t like them.
  99. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
    Target!
  100. Ever won a spelling bee?
    No.
  101. Ever had plastic surgery?
    Nope.
  102. Which are better black or green olives?
    Black!
  103. Do you want to get married?
    Already am.
  104. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
    I’ve given homeless people CPR in the ER before. I’d do it on the street to. But I better see him go down because I’m not going to just start doing CPR on a random person that I find dead on the street.
  105. What is one thing you wish had zero calories?
    I don’t care about calories.

Last Normal Week & House Plans

Happy Monday! And it really is a happy Monday because Jon got up with Jackson this morning and I slept until 8am! That’s a big deal! I also went to bed by like, 10:30 last night so I got plenty of sleep!

This past weekend I had to work. I was supposed to work 7a-3p on Saturday, but one of the nurses I like asked if I could stay until 7 for her so she could do something that evening. Since I had to work on Sunday anyway, it’s not like I could do much after work so I agreed to stay for her. Besides, I’m feeling like we need to save up faster so I’m fine with extra hours. But that was my first 12 hour shift since before Jackson was born and I was pooped! I forget how exhausting 12 hours of work is and I am so dreading having to do it again in a few weeks! Thankfully, it was actually a pretty good day at work, so it wasn’t terrible! And Jon brought Jackson to see me during my lunch break, although Jackson pooped everywhere. I went to the cafeteria and couldn’t find him and somebody asked if I was looking for my husband. She said he was outside, so I went out there and he was crouched over a naked baby, haha. Oh babies.

Yesterday after work (another 7a-3p day), I drove by a condo that was for sale that looked super nice on the inside and was cheap, but the area was way too questionable. However, Jon and I have started talking about another transitional house. Something where we can keep our payments around $1000 a month (ours now is around $950) but that has more space. Probably a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house or condo. That way we have a lower house payment for the next few years while I finish school and take time off work when we have our second baby. By the time we’re ready to buy again, Jon should have been in his new job for a long time (he is a sales associate now, but he should be a sales rep soon, so he will be making a significant amount of money more). And then we can still TRAVEL! Obviously that’s pretty much all I care about. I’m actually feeling WAY better about this plan, because I just don’t want to spend all of our money on a downpayment and then pay so much more a month on a mortgage. I really hope we find something we like for a lower price. Especially because we would be able to afford the downpayment on a cheaper house with what we’re making off the condo, so we would be able to put an offer in immediately if we find something. I just feel like the houses I really love are still about $40k out of our price range, so why not buy something a little smaller now that has one extra bedroom and a better layout, and save up so that one day, we can comfortably buy our “dream” house! I’m actually getting excited about this because I really don’t want a house that’s too big right now. I still love the convenience of a smaller house with a new baby and all the cleaning, and I am excited about the possibility of still feeling like we can travel without being strapped for cash! So, while I am still feeling kind of sad every day about leaving our house and this location (I am soaking up every last minute of my 23 minute commute to work right now, because no matter where we move, my commute will probably be about 40 minutes. Unless we move to the area I work, I literally live in the most convenient location for my work that we would consider living- everywhere else is all back roads and has traffic), I am starting to get more excited about having a new house.

Also, this is the MOST exciting part about buying a cheaper house! There are tickets to Paris and Prague for 60,000 points! They’re about $1200 in cash, but we can buy one ticket with miles completely. Jon said he could go in January since it’s the start of a new quarter and I am seriously considering trying to plan a trip for us! I am really hoping tickets stay around 60,000 points for that time of year, because once we pin down a house and know what we’re spending, we can book it! We were supposed to go to Paris last December, if you guys remember, but we had to wait 24 hours while our Skymiles transferred and during that 24 hours, all that mess happened with the attacks on Paris and Jon said we couldn’t go! If we can’t go to Paris though, I might try to at least book a trip to Costa Rica since tickets are pretty cheap to Costa Rica anyway and it’s only a 4 hour flight from Atlanta! I told Jon that Europe is calling and I must go!

Anyway, this is our last full “normal” week at home. Next week we’ll be packing every day to prepare for the move on the 11th. And this weekend we’ll be in Florida, so I won’t even get to enjoy one last weekend here! My parents are going to take Jackson the Saturday night before we move, so I hope Jon and I can run out and have a late night fun time, haha. When I was pregnant, we left our house at 9:50 one night to get cheeseburgers, and I remember thinking that we wouldn’t be able to do that again. And we can’t! We can’t even leave the house after 6pm together because Jackson is already in bed! So, we can run out in the area we live in for one last late night run!

Alrighty, I should get back to my paper for a few minutes. Jackson should be waking up soon and I want to go to the gym today since I didn’t go AT ALL last week! I want to finish this paper up before we leave on Thursday/Friday, so I have a lot of work to do! And Jon has business dinners a bunch so my evenings will be taken up with baby.

Friday Brunch

Hey-o. Happy Friday! I had planned on putting J in daycare today to do some work, go to the pool, and finally make it to the gym this week, but Stephanie asked if I wanted to grab lunch today. Since we have planned a ton of get togethers and something always comes up (J was born, her husband’s dad died…), I decided to blow off my personal plans and get together with a friend instead! Besides, I’ve been spending much more time at home lately since school has started and I definitely need social interaction to be a happy human.

Jackson slept in until 7:15! WOOHOO! This is super exciting since we’ve had our fair share of extra early wake ups lately, so when I woke up and it was light out, I knew we had a good night around here! I spent some time cleaning up and making breakfast and finally washing my hair this morning (it’s crazy how oily my hair is now that I’ve had a baby! I used to easily go 4 days without washing it- now after 2 it’s greasy!). Jackson was getting super tired and fussy around 9:15, so I put him down and he fell right to sleep. He woke up at 10:30, so I got him ready just in time to go meet up with Stephanie and her baby!

14102542_10101027510613002_8539184128927148972_n

Stephanie and I met at Buttermilk Kitchen, which is known for brunch. I’ll be honest- it wasn’t the best I’ve ever had. My food was definitely good, but I have had better. And you couldn’t get a piece of french toast to sub as a side, which is kind of irritating. I like brunch places that let you sub things out. Jackson did pretty well at brunch! He did fuss a few times but it was so loud that you couldn’t even hear him. He spent a lot of time in my lap and I could tell he was tired (he had been yawning since he woke up at 10:30), and as soon as I laid him in his car seat after brunch, he was out.

I got stuck in traffic so he got a 40 minute nap. We got home, I fed him, and I had wanted to put him back down but he was playing around. I put him on the floor and he entertained himself eating mine and Jon’s clean underwear (I fold laundry next to him to keep him entertained when he starts getting fussy), but when that fun wore off, he started fussing and yawning, so I laid him back down.

And now he’s still asleep! I got in an episode of Real Housewives and filed my nails. I considered the pool or the gym, but Jon got off work early and is napping, and since he has baby duty all weekend while I work, I figure I’ll let him enjoy his nap before I dump Jackson on him while I go work out. Who knows what I’ll actually do tonight. I work tomorrow and Sunday (just 8 hour shifts, but waking up at 4:45 is still tiring!), so I think it’ll be a boring weekend for us around here.

I had to work Wednesday and Thursday and totally planned on working out in the evenings, but Wednesday was a late night for Jon and Thursday I was just exhausted. I am not used to working two days in a row anymore, sadly, and it was just so busy on Wednesday. I was in the mood to just relax at home. I should soak this house in anyway, since these are my last two weeks here! I did get a night out on Tuesday with Laura! I had been wanting to get out at night because it has been so nice in the evenings here! We ended up running some errands (of course) and we had some Mediterranean dinner on a patio. I had a portabella and caesar pita and it was SO good. Then we got ice cream, because that’s just what we do. It was so nice to get out of the house. Since Jackson goes to bed at 5:30-6 now, I just feel like I spend so much time at home. It sucks.

I suppose I’ll go. I need to clean up the house some more so I can get some homework done tonight. I’m trying to get ahead on school stuff since we’re going out of town for Labor Day and then I go out of town for 10 days to Tahoe and Yosemite, and then Jon and I go back out of town to Florida for Crista’s wedding! Busy semester for sure! I don’t have anything too hard to get done, but just a bunch of busywork that I don’t want to mess with later!

Oh, and Jackson is 6 months old today! Hard to believe that my boy is 6 months!

Life Updates

I’m totally lacking motivation lately for school. Part of it is this beautiful weather and part of it is this dang house!

We’re in negotiations with our buyer right now. She came back asking for a lot after the home inspection (a new breaker for the AC unit, fixing live wires to the disposal, a new water heart, service the HVAC, fix the threshold for our door, clean out dryer vents) and we’re giving her a home warranty! Frankly, I was more than irritated. In my mind, when you buy a house, you won’t get a perfect house. You WILL do some work. We probably spent $6000 on the floors and updating electrical outlets, getting a new disposal, and we also fixed a leak as soon as we moved in (and that was $500 in the first few weeks!). We did address $250 worth of safety issues, but she is dead set on this water heater. Ours is 6 years past the life expectancy and it is right next to the wood floors, so I get that it is a potential issue if it leaks. So you better fix it real quick when you move in. I think I’m feeling a little less likely to negotiate because I’ve realized that I don’t care to move, but Jon is chomping at the bit to get out of here. So, we’re waiting right now. We basically gave her three options (we either increase closing costs and no water heater, we give her the water heater but we won’t pay as much at closing and no home warranty, or we pay more at closing and we raise the price on the condo) but she may not like any of them. Who knows. I’m SO OVER IT. We already gave her $4,000 off asking and are selling the condo now for the same price as the ones that needed a lot of work in the same complex. So, come on. I’m over this girl. Especially because I have school, work, and a baby, and getting all this shit serviced for somebody else to come live here isn’t what I feel like doing. My life is already about to turn upside down when we sell this place, so stop stressing me out.

Gym efforts have been nonexistent. Woops. Honestly, I don’t care. I plan on going tonight, but I have mastitis again (my fault- I tried to pop my Montgomery gland when it was puss filled) and didn’t want my boobs shaking all over the place. So I skipped last night and part of me was just not in the mood to go. Jon was out of town all weekend and we had to figure out the house negotiations and literally spent all night going back and forth with the buyer. Sometimes I kind of have to remind myself that while I would love to be back in the habit of working out 4-6 days a week, even if just for a little bit, that I still live a pretty active life. Could it be better? Absolutely. And one day, I will get there. But overall, this time after having a baby isn’t really breaking me and shortening my life expectancy. I still am walking around nonstop at work. I still get down on my hands and knees and scrub floors and clean bathrooms. I still carry the carseat with Jackson into daycare every day (not close!). I may not be up to par with my old level of activity, but I’m still not a sedentary person by any means. And being healthy isn’t really about one day or even one month, but about the bigger picture. And over the last 7 years since starting CrossFit (and really, 8 years since I went to Iraq, because that was where I started working out), I have been really healthy, overall. Even if I eat kind of like shit right now, it’s not permanent. Eating a whole box of brownies in three days isn’t going to break me. It just made me feel terrible, but that box of brownies isn’t going to kill me.

Jon and I are finally sort of getting back on the same page. We’ve had a rough month. Totally rough. Like, talked about separation. I don’t even know why. We should totally go to marriage counseling but is it bad that I don’t feel like paying out of pocket for it? We should, because this marriage has to last a lifetime. But I think I just get so irritated and so overwhelmed by the thought of selling the house that I stop thinking about marriage as being a lifelong commitment and think that divorce is an option for us. And it’s really not. Neither of us really believe in it unless things get seriously terrible and major efforts have been made to repair the marriage, but we are so not at that point yet. So, I need to remind myself that we are in this together and even though I may be seriously annoyed with Jon or feel like we are not connecting at all, that this is really totally normal. There is no way for a married couple to be on the same page all the time (or if there is, props to those couples, because we are not those people!). We have an entire life to spend together and hopefully we like each other 75% of that time, but really? There will be kinks. We’ll have to overcome  things together. We’ll be fine. I just really should probably stop being so overdramatic. I bet that would solve a lot of our problems. (Don’t tell Jon I said that.)

Things with my little J buddy are going so so, haha. He’s such a fussy pants lately. Drives me CRAZY! Know what else drives me crazy? That Jon gets irritated when he gets home from work if I hand him Jackson right away. He needs time to relax. But when I go to work, I leave and go get J immediately and come home and he doesn’t want to be put down and he fusses nonstop and I don’t get a break. And my days at work are way more annoying than Jon’s. Have you dealt with ER patients before? But anyway, J has just been in a fussy period lately. He’s in leap 5 (a developmental leap) and this leap lasts for like, a month. And it is so freaking annoying. This morning I laid him down for a nap and he started crying, so I picked him up because he was hysterical. He normally calms down and I can lay him back down, but today was just too much for him. He SCREAMED for like, 20 minutes and finally I got out a paci (he is not a paci baby- I don’t even know the last time we gave him one- probably when he was 2 months old) and he sucked on it for a second and totally calmed down and fell asleep while I was walking him around. Part of me finds it irritating as hell, and the other part of me sort of loves it because I know it’s just the phase he is going through and realizing that we can leave him. He can be really cuddly sometimes and that is so not like him, but it really does melt my heart, but other times there is just nothing I can do to make him happy. He may not cry all the time, but he won’t be happy laying down and he will be such a wiggle worm if I hold him. It’s like, WTF do you want, kid?! But he gives us hugs now! When I picked him up this morning, he literally looked at me and smiled and then threw his arms around my neck and it was the cutest thing ever. His hugs are the best.

I had breakfast with another mom this weekend. Another FB mom. Haha. Online mom dating is the best. She was actually really cool and her son is 10 months old, so it was fun. We sat the babies in highchairs next to each other and they just grabbed at each other. It’s nice having mom friends who understand how distracting babies are. I felt like we would start talking about something and I’d want to ask more questions but then, oh wait, Jackson is trying to pull my plate off the table or knock my water out of my hand while I’m taking a sip. I think we’re going to try to meet up soon without the babies. I would have left them at home this past weekend, but Jon was out of town so I had to take Jackson.

Anyway, I should go. I’m going to pump and then hopefully go to the pool since it is finally cooling off outside and feels great! I barely have been outside all summer and now I’m feeling like I need to soak in the great outdoors before it turns into winter (we have time, I know). I also feel like I need to soak in this pool because nobody goes to the pool at this condo complex and I know if we move into a neighborhood, the relaxing pool days are over. The pools in Georgia turn into a madhouse in the summer! I should really be writing my papers so I can get ahead on some schoolwork before we go to Florida to see Jon’s family, but that doesn’t sound like fun. My brain is so fried with this house stuff that I can’t focus on school. I just got a prescription yesterday for Xanax and Sonata (Ambien with a shorter duration- GENIUS!!!!) for my flight out to Tahoe and I feel like I should just take the whole bottle of Xanax and sleep until our closing in September, if we ever get there.

Moving :(

Happy Friday. This weekend is Crista’s bachelorette party and I’m kind of bummed about not being there. They went to Austin, but Jon wanted to go to Billy’s bachelor party this weekend too and honestly, I hate flying so much that I was really anxious about doing it JUST for a weekend. But the girls are out on a boat and it looks like tons of fun.

It really is crazy how life changes. Not just because we have a baby to take care of, but now financially. Jon and I have been very fortunate to be where we are. I know we’ve also both worked really hard to get where we are and I really am proud of the life we created. I love that I chose a career that allowed me to work overtime and gave me the funds to travel. I’m glad I joined the Army and came home from a deployment with almost $50k in the bank. I traveled with that money and I paid for CrossFit and I lived in my house and didn’t ever stress during college because my college was 100% paid for (I actually got paid almost $5,000 a semester to go to school, like, in my pocket). Jon joined the Army in high school and became an x-ray tech and then specialized. He did so well that now he does sales and is doing well financially. He is so smart and hard working! And we made smart decisions with our money.

So… This whole moving and saving money is new to me. Well, saving isn’t new to me. I’m a saver. I like having a lot in the bank. But still, the stress of higher house payments is still totally looming overhead. The fact that we really should save another $15-20k to comfortably put 20% down on a house (we don’t have to though because of my VA loan) is a big deal.

I have always said I want us to always be in a position to enjoy life. I know I blogged about this before. But living is so much more important than stuff. I admire the European way where houses are nowhere near as big as houses in the US! Why do they have to be so dang big here?! And why do we work SO HARD here?! What about living?!

It really stresses me out thinking that we could stress about money to the point of not taking trips. Life would be no fun then.

And aside from that, I’m just sad that we’re moving out of this house. I know I mentioned it before plenty of times too. But the location! I had kind of committed to myself that we’d live here until we were ready for our next baby. Why buy a bigger house for a kid we may never have? We love the location. Our mortgage is cheap! Why move?! And now I’m sort of kicking myself for selling it. Of course, it’s too late to back out, unless something on the buyer’s end doesn’t go through. And I think I’d crush Jon’s dreams. I’ve created my life here though. I like my CrossFit gym. The LA Fitness I use is hands down the best LA Fitness I’ve ever been to! I like my Whole Foods and know where everything is, which is a difficult task in Whole Foods! I like our sub shop and I love my commute! Jackson is so happy in his daycare and I’m comfortable with him being there and trust them. I just keep looking at our house and it’s so surreal knowing we’re three weeks away from leaving this house forever. I feel like I can’t adequately soak it in. I remember the first few nights in our house. Well, Jon and I weren’t together and he wasn’t really moving in with me, but he started staying at my house from the start and never went home.

944419_856299726832_1247918954_n

That was our first dinner in my house.

IMG_7945

We actually had our wine bottles and some other stuff on the mantle at the sides, but took it down to get our house ready to show. We also had a rug once, but Tom peed on it. RIP Tom- you rug ruiner.

I don’t know… I don’t know why leaving this house is making me so sad. I wish we could stay. I wish we were staying! But… I suppose it’s time to make a new home for ourselves in a place that Jon loves as much as I love this house.

Anyway, we had a tough week this week. Separation anxiety is totally in full swing. Bad. I thought Jackson was sick and that’s why he was waking up for the last two nights in hysterics (and not wanting to go to bed), but we took him to the doctor today and he’s totally healthy. He just has separation anxiety. WTF. She said they’ll wake up in the middle of the night and realize Mom and Dad aren’t there and that it’s not okay. WTTTTFFFFF. So, now I’m deciding how to approach this if he wakes tonight. I’m hoping he’ll sleep all night since he went down much better than he has been!

I also only made it to the gym twice this week and I was so motivated to go at the beginning of the week! I went Monday and Wednesday (Tuesday I was SO sore) and planned on going yesterday, but it poured. Like, a serious downpour. Jon got home at 5:50 right in the middle of it and then Jackson started his meltdown. So I decided not to go and honestly, I’m glad I didn’t go because the parking lot at the gym flooded and one of the girls had to tow her car because it wouldn’t work anymore!

I did get lots of schoolwork done this week though. I was proud of myself.

Tomorrow morning I’d love to go work out BUT Jon will be gone so no can do! Instead I’m going to have brunch with a girl from a mom’s group on Facebook and her baby. Hopefully it’ll be fun! Then I think I’m going to get together with Laura after Jackson’s nap if he cooperates! And then have a night of homework once he’s in bed! Woohoo! I plan on going to my parent’s house on Sunday so they can watch Jackson for me while I do school stuff too!

Okay, I need to go wash bottles and then make some dinner and relax.

Condo is PENDING

Happy Wednesday! Long time, no update! I’ve been busy with being back in school and should be working on some schoolwork right now, but I wanted to do a quick updates since WE ACCEPTED AN OFFER ON OUR HOUSE! I’m actually not that excited. I am glad that it’s going to be off the market and we can stop keeping it spotless 24/7, but I’m also really bummed that our time here is coming to a close. I’m sad that we won’t be living in this location anymore. My drive to work is about to suck and I’m going to miss taking the highway the whole way. I’m sad that Jackson will have to leave his daycare. I’ve grown to really like the other babies in the room and the daycare workers. I’m going to miss the convenience when I’m going to meet up with friends in the evenings and have an extra 30 minutes to drive (without traffic- upwards of an extra hour with traffic). I’m definitely sad, but I also know that we will be creating a home somewhere else. And after trying to do schoolwork in the “dining room” last night while Jon was getting Jackson ready for bed, I realized how nice it will be to have a separate area to work in.

I looked up the girl who is buying my condo. I actually got a quick look at her when Jon and I pulled up the other night because she was out talking to my neighbor and since I can search her name off the documents I’ve had to sign, I totally stalked her real quick. Guys, this girl is awesome! She studied anthropology and her profile pictures were her dog sledding, one of her and an alpaca overlooking Machu Picchu, and a bunch in Jerusalem! So I feel much better knowing this place is going to a girl who is about my age and who loves to travel too! Much better than some stuffy old boring person.

I just hope everything goes smoothly from here on out now. We have a 10 day due diligence period with a closing on 9-22 (we will be out before that- we will move out the weekend after Labor Day since Jon will be out of town the weekend before we close). Our realtor said the girl is very financially sound and has 20% down, so I hope that is a good sign that the loan will go through.

Jon and I did look at some AWESOME houses this past weekend. We found our favorite house ever for only $450k, haha. But really, the houses in there were amazing. They are a little older and so unique and I absolutely love them. I actually told Jon to check out traffic in the area before and after work (that exit gets so back up off the highway) so that we can see how it would be. It’s not really close to my parents, but it isn’t too far from where we live now. The houses are just amazing though and they really vary in price range, so lots of the houses are affordable for us. It made me excited to be able to buy a house and make it our own.

Aside from that, I’ve actually gone to the gym! I went Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (all to CrossFit), Saturday (LA Fitness), and Monday (CrossFit again). And I’m going today. But I’m so sore! It feels good though. I feel motivated again to work out and am really happy that I’ve made it back to the gym. It still is hard on days I work to get the motivation to go in the evenings, especially if I’m not doing CrossFit, but oh well. I planned on going yesterday but I am so sore and quite frankly, I was exhausted. I hung out with Jon instead and we worked out the details of the offer on the condo and I spent over 2 hours doing school stuff.

I got off work early on Sunday which was awesome! Although I need the money, I can’t say no to leaving at 11am on a Sunday! I think that when we stay at my mom and dad’s house (we’re moving the weekend after Labor Day into their house), I’m going to see if my mom will pick Jackson up from daycare one day a week so that I can work until 7pm and get a few more hours in. We need to really save up for the rest of the downpayment on a house. But anyway, on Sunday we really just went over to my mom and dad’s house and then Jon and I decided to go look at open houses. It was nice to get out with just Jon for a little while since we haven’t really been doing much lately!

School is back in and I forgot how much I hate it. The classes are actually fairly interesting this semester, but I hate doing this work. And it’s time consuming. I need to go to Costco (which is why I should not be blogging) but it’s convenient to go later today, but I have to get Jackson and he usually isn’t in any mood to go places after daycare since he’s so tired. And I have a vet appointment this afternoon, so that’ll take up all my “free” time.

I don’t think there is much else to update on. Life has been pretty boring lately. Lots of school, lots of work, lots of Jackson time, and lots of cleaning. Life is about to get even busier as we start packing and getting ready to move. We need to go find a storage unit for all of our stuff and start packing up and cleaning everything out (thankfully, our place is small so we haven’t accumulated much, and we already cleaned out the storage closet). I have a feeling I’ll at least start packing up my kitchen stuff that I don’t use as frequently since the kitchen is always the major task. Man… I can’t believe this is all actually happening.

Alright, it’s past 9am so I said at 9am, I’d go start on school stuff. Have a great day, everybody!

Motherhood

Back in 2008, I deployed to Iraq. I remember standing by two of the older nurses (they were in their 40s, I was 22) as a young soldier was worked on. Unfortunately, the soldier died, and he was the first soldier I ever saw die there. I remember feeling so numb to it. In my mind, I was perfect for our task at hand because I was able to detach so well emotionally. One of the nurses teared up and mentioned how terrible it would be to be his mother and get the news that her son died. Of course, my naive, 22 year old self, was thinking, Why would she even think about his mother back at home? That’s too depressing!

I was able to see soldiers over there as a task, not really as people. The first time it really hit me that these people had lives at home outside of our life in Iraq was when I was in Baghdad for a month and a 19 year old boy came in. He had been hit by an IED and had shrapnel to both of his legs. The surgeon came in and told him that they’d be taking him for surgery in a minute, but that he wanted to let him know that he would probably wake up without either of his legs. Can you imagine that? Being told you would wake up without legs? Especially because his legs looked pretty good still, but the surgeon thought the shrapnel probably did too much internal damage to repair.

Another time in Baghdad, we were logrolling another patient to check his back. He had also been hit by an IED. As we rolled him, I held onto his feet. His feet were literally barely even attached to his legs anymore. I guarantee that ended up in an amputation, if that soldier even made it.

Aside from a few “real” moments though, I still stayed detached. There was no family rushing in the room. The soldiers didn’t say much, or were trauma patients who went off to the OR after we stabilized them.

When I got home, I worked as a tech on a medical-surgical floor (the same place I just recently worked as a nurse). I remember having a patient who was 43 and had breast cancer. When I got to work, I didn’t really realize the patient was going to die that day. I knew she was lifeless, but I had no idea that her life was actually about to end. Her husband was such a kind man. He didn’t want to leave her side to go get anything to eat because he knew this was the last bit of time he would have with her. As we changed her diaper multiple times, he stayed and held her hand. While I was cleaning her up, he said, “Isn’t she the most beautiful woman you have ever seen?” She died halfway through my shift and that was the first time it really hit me that I take care of people.

I have seen more people die than I could count. I see people who were healthy and running around an hour before they arrived to our ER die. I never take my health or the health of my family for granted. I know tomorrow isn’t promised. I think about it on a daily basis. Every time I get in the car, I think that it could be the last time I get in my car. When Jon leaves, especially if he has Jackson, I know my whole life is in one car. When I am sitting with my parents, I think about how I never know if something terrible will happen and they’ll be gone before I know it.

But being a mom… Well, this is something new, and something even more terrifying. I knew when I was pregnant that it would be awful if anything happened to Jackson. I would cry very frequently in the car if I thought about him not being born healthy or if he was born in a way that would prevent him from happiness in the future. I never actually thought about him not coming home from the hospital with me. Sadly, after talking to other moms and being part of mom groups online, I realize how many moms are out there who didn’t take their babies home. They had NICU babies or worse, their babies didn’t make it home alive. I have seen parents in the ER whose babies have died from SIDS or suffocation. I’ve watched parents cry over their child who is in critical condition, or who they found already dead in their crib. I’ve read about parents who lost their children in car accidents, or I’ve seen them come in as our trauma patient.

I recently read a blog written be a pediatric ICU nurse. She was talking about how she thought her patient would be discharged that day, but came to work and found out that the patient had died the night before. The child’s parents were still in the room, holding their dead baby, when the nurse went in to see them.

I watched my best friend’s parents leave the hospital after we said goodbye to their daughter. Walking out of the hospital, her mom was crying to her dad, “I just have to go back and see her one more time!” When I go to her house, I still hear her parents talk about when their daughter, the one they never got to see live past 19, was a child.

When you become a parent, you feel emotions you have never felt before and could probably never even begin to imagine feeling. Every kid who has died could have been Jackson. Every kid who has cancer could be Jackson. I could be mourning the loss of my child. I know why that nurse in Iraq was thinking about what the boy’s parents would feel when they found out their son was dead. Because every child could be your own. You could be the one to get the bad news.

Even though I may not feel overwhelmed by love for my child on a daily basis, I know that if anything happened to him, it would turn my life upside down. I already dread the years where his feelings get hurt or he gets his heart broken. I dread the things I can’t control or fix in his life- when Mom can’t make everything better. I just hope that my son lives a long, healthy life, because I don’t know how I could bear anything bad happening to my child. Being a mother gives me a whole new perspective on life and all the lives I’ve seen pass by me in the ER.